Ambien. No doubt about it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
