Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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