Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
