just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
