Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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