hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
