I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
