I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
