It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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