Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
