We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
