i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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