did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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