yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
