my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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