***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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