i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
