i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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