you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
