i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
