Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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