I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
