doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
