he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
