like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
