pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
