I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
