i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
