youre lurking in front of me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
