My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
