Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
