Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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