it was like eating out sand paper
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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