My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
