i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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