If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
