Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
