i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
