i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
