he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
