I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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