just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
