Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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