dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
