I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
