I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
