Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
