susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
