a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize