you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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