What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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