is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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