i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
