i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
