Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
