i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
