My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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