I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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