I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
