i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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