Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
