Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
