He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
