I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
