she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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