Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
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btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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