I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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