Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
