Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
