A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
