I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
