There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
