remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize