i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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