Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
