I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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