people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
