The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
