I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
