I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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